Love Relationships...not my thing..

People have been recently around me have been finding a significant other. My girlfriend even had a child with her loved one. A few even online have discovered a significant other. And, people have even asked to be with me. I declined, with a bit of guilt that they put their whole heart and soul into a speech or just say the simple phrase of "I love you...."

I just don't choose to be with someone. I mean, I have personal reasons behind it, but I do indeed have experience with being with someone, but, it never was/is ment to be due to being a bunch of lies or whatnot.


The first time I had some sort of interest in being with someone was in 5th grade. Needless to say, I did manage to get the guy since he did ask me to be with him. It was going well, that was, until I started being questioned by the bruises on my arms and legs at school and home. I then realized that it wasn't a good idea of being with him. He was just too much of a man, so he just didn't know his strength, regardless of what I have to say...

After that, in middle school *7th, 8th grade*, a prep asked me to be with him. I didn't know what to say and I thought that it would help me try to make friends. I agreed and tried to find out what he liked and didn't like, and go from there. He called me up, and even sang songs for me, making me feel happy and such, since I didn't have *and still do to this day* a good self-esteem. I have a low self -esteem, so hearing his music flow into my head of songs he made with his words and his guitar made me very happy. However, one day, he had his friends all around him and I walked up to him to greet him at school one day, only for him to humilate me in front of his friends. It was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. It was something I didn't want to believe. It just wasn't a great thing..

Another one was a VERY clingy person who wouldn't leave me alone. it was a blind date of sorts when I met him and my so called friend hooked me up with him. It wasn't a great experience when I went with him to my Junior prom. It was the worse experience. I almost had died when he was too stubborn to get someone to take over his driving to get to the shore afterwords after when I had a horrible Prom experience when he wouldn't let me talk to my friends when at that same night, I was getting yelled at one of them during the prom. Then he wouldn't stop clinging to me on the boardwalk and he even wanted me to sleep on the same futon as him in the hotel that me and him and my friend with his bf. It wasn't going to happen. I hid in the bedroom, pretending I was sleeping before he was forced to go back home the next day to drop off my friends bf for him to go to work like he said he would. He didn't want to go and leave me behind. He was so awkward, and needless to say, that was the last time I seen him.

I had quite a few other experiences with that I refuse to talk about, but I haven't had a good experience with the love relationship thing. It makes me not want to have a significant other. It just isn't my thing anyway. I don't see myself with someone, and people still try to prove me wrong with making it a "competition" to see who will win my ice cold heart? Who will melt it and make me finally break is what they are after. Will they pull it off? I don't think so, but when I tell them these stories, and they continue to fight me for it to prove me wrong, I just can't stop them. It is their choice, even though I don't want to hurt them in the end. That is all I worry about....

But, I had to get this off my chest at point in time. It's been an issue with me, and I do have other issues revolving about the relationship thing, but it won't be in this part I'm afraid.....
Take care.