This is an update on my games I have. The stuff in bold are the new ones if you are curious as to what they are. Enjoy!
Wii/Wiiware:
Wii Sports
Chocobo Dungeon
Pokemon Battle Revolution
Super Smash Brothers Brawl
Super Paper Mario
Phantom Brave
Muramasa: The Demon Blade
Link's Crossbow Training
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations
Bubble Bobble
Bubble Bobble Wii Version
Phoenix Wright
Beyond Oasis
Donkey Kong Country
Kid Icarus
Pokemon Puzzle League
Pokemon Rumble Arena
Mario Brothers 3
Kirby 64: Crystal Shards
Mario Kart 64
Muscle March
Super Mario World
Metroid
Pokemon Snap **Thanks to Arclad84**
Secret of Mana **Thanks to Arclad84**
XBox 360:
Enchanted Arms
Zoids Assault
Star Ocean
Eternal Sonata
Assassin's Creed
Last Remnant
Sega Tennis
GameCube:
Yu-Gi-Oh: Falsebound Kingdom
Zelda: Twilight Princess
The Sonic Collection (Sonic 1-Sonic 3 and Knuckles, Sonic Spinball, Sonic 3D-Blast)
Sonic Adventure 1
Sonic Adventure 2 Battle
Baton Kaitos
Zoids Battle Legends
Zoids vs. iii
Pokemon Coliseum
Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness
Zelda: Wind Waker
Megaman X Collection (Megaman X - Megaman X6)
Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Zelda Mega Collection (Classic Zelda, Zelda II, Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask)
Zelda: Master Quest
Carmen Sandiego <--borrowing from my sister
Lost Kingdoms
BeyBlade
Tales of Symphonia **Birthday Gift from PhantomSavage**
GBA: **PLAYING WITH GBA PLAYER ON GC**
Yu-Gi-Oh : GX Academy
Yu-Gi-Oh : Destiny of the Duel
Yu-Gi-Oh : Sacred Cards
Yu-Gi-Oh : Championship 2006
Pokemon Ruby
Kingdom Hearts: CoM
Shaman King: Master of Spirits
Nintendo 64:
Pokemon Stadium
Pokemon Stadium 2
Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Zelda: Majora's Mask
Pokemon Yellow/Gold/Blue **With use of Pokemon Stadium**
PSP
Yu-Gi-Oh Tag Force 4
.HACK//LINK (Import)
Neverland Card Battles
Lunar: Silver Star Harmony
Dissidia
Jeanne D'Arc
Yu-Gi-Oh Tag Force 2
Zuma
Spyro The Dragon
Playstation:
Jet Moto
Croc
Brave Fencer Musashi
Grandia
MegaMan X4
Gundam Battle Assault 2
Digimon: Rumble Arena
Legend of Mana
Digimon: Digital Card Battle
Legend of Legaia
Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete
Lunar 2: Eternal Blue Complete
Chrono Cross
Playstation 2:
Yu-Gi-Oh: Duelist of the Roses
Yu-Gi-Oh: Capsule Monsters Coliseum
Sega Collection **LOOK UP FOR GAMES**
Digimon: Rumble Arena 2
Romancing Saga
Dawn of Mana
Final Fantasy X
Genji
Shadow of the Colossus
God of War
Sly Cooper
Sly 2
Sly 3
Legend of Legaia 2
Star Ocean
Kingdom Hearts II
Kingdom Hearts: RECOM
Bakugan
.hack
.hack//G.U.
Mana Khemia
Final Fantasy X-2
MegaMan X7
MegaMan X8
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Dark Cloud
Dark Cloud 2
Klonoa 2
Grandia Xtreme
Ape Escape 2
Shaman King
Rouge Galaxy
Yu-Gi-Oh: Beginning of Destiny
Playstation 3
3D Dot Game Heroes
Little Big Planet
Wet
Valkyrie Chronicles **Birthday Gift from GUNANGEL2**
Bayonetta **Birthday Gift from GUNANGEL2**
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Zoids Fanfiction FTW? Chapter One of Zoidan
I did this a LOONG time ago. I just thought I would place this up here just in case people were interested in this sort of thing. I know that some of my followers are interested in Zoids, and it isn't too popular on fanfiction.net since people don't read Zoids fanfictions there too much or if not at all. So, here is chapter one. Will I finish it or even work on it? Only time will tell...
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ZOIDS! I ONLY OWN THE CHARACTER I MADE UP! THANKS A BUNCH! -thumbs up-
Zoidan: Advanced Zoidians
by Kourine Narumi
Prologue: During the War...
Prologue: Two Years Ago...
"This will make the war more interesting with this kind of tactical approach, wouldn't you say Ambient?" Hiltz said to his crimson colored organoid that stood beside its Master high atop a metal rod within an Imperial building. It growled out softly as an answer, watching below as two of the Empire's amateur soldiers were being carted off to a laboratory. A faint smile grew upon Hiltz's face as he watched a high ranked military solider followed closely behind the group. "I wonder how the Republican Army will fair with this.." he mumbled to himself as he and the red organoid flew out of the building, with no witnesses that seen them come in, nor leave.
The door slowly opened, as the team of scientists threw the 2 experimental soldiers into separate capsules within the experimental room. Controls were placed in front of both of the capsules. The male and female solider tried their best to get away and out of the scientists grasp, but to no avail as they locked the capsules. The girl banged furiously at the glass, feeling the oxygenated thick liquid fill within her pod. She looked over at the male solider, seeing that he was terrified by the liquid that was rising up to his knees now. Before long, both capsules were filled with the green liquid as the high ranked officer approached the two capsules. A small grin was on his face before he spoke to them with a demanding voice that echoed within the room.
"I'm glad that you two have made it this far. Through 3 weeks of experimenting with forty soldiers, only you two have been able to accomplish those tasks. This experiment will enable you to become even stronger than before. Now, just relax and try not to cause anymore problems for my team here." The commanding officer smirked as he watched the two scientists approach the capsules. They were both holding two tubes of what looked to be a crimson shade of liquid flowing within the tubes. Both of the soldiers gulped out as the officer laughed. "I want these lab rats finished by the time we finish the battle at Dragon Head Bridge. I'm counting on you! No mistakes!" And with those words, the officer turned on his heel and walked out of the door,leaving the soldiers to be the guinea pigs of what was to be an astonishing feat for the Imperial Forces...
...
A few months passed, with the Imperial Forces loosing most of the battles. The Republics had the Imperials on the run, with their tail between their legs. However, the forces within the First Panzer division had been acquired one of the Imperial's secret weapons that took the past year to 'create.' The leader of this division, Major Karl Schubaltz, kindly accepted to test out their new product as they now approached their target; a Republic base a few hundred miles from the Wind Colony. The mission that he agreed to, was to destroy the base by testing the new weapon.
"All units hold back!" Karl hollered through the transmission of his Black Zaber Fang. The Molgas and Dark Horns all halted in place behind a sand dune, preparing themselves for the next order form their leader. Karl sighed as he adjusted his camera on his Zoid, pulling a closer view of the base on his monitor. He noticed that a handful of soldiers were on top of the 4 corner towers, with at least two more on the catwalks. He noticed two Command Wolf AC's with their Sniper Guns and Ion Boosters on them. "I guess this is a good place for a test run, with a place as heavily armed as this." he whispered to himself.
As if it heard Karl's words, a white Konig Wolf approached next to the Major, staring straight ahead at the base that was theirs for the taking. Karl glared at the Konig Wolf. For it being a Republic Zoid, he was still cautious on trusting it. He had his fair share of traitors within his unit, and with a Konig Wolf on his team, he was extremely cautious. He pressed a few controls to get the wolf's frequency to speak to the pilot. "You know what to do. Now get to it!" he ordered.
The wolf didn't move after the command from the higher ranking officer, as if pondering on how to handle the situation. Karl grew annoyed at not having the pilot listen to a simple command. He flicked the monitor on his Zaber Fang to get the pilot on his monitor. When he acquired the Konig Wolf's frequency and got the picture, his eyes widened. There was no pilot sitting within the confines of the Zoid. "What the- what kind of test is this? Are they trying to control Wild Zoids?" he whispered. Before he said another word, the white wolf was off, darting towards the base. Before Karl could say anything, the right side of his monitor revealed his so called right-hand man, Marcus, within one of the Dark Horns. "Sir, what do you think the General has planned? Using a Wild Zoid for combat? is he just asking for trouble?"
"I don't know. But, we will soon see. " he replied to only cut off the connection to the Konig Wolf and the Dark Horn. he leaned back in his seat, hands still gripped onto the Zaber's controls. "We will soon see.."
He seen the wolf on his camera approach the base. He noticed that none of the defense sequences in the Republic base activated. He chuckled some at this. "They are falling for it. Simple minded fools." he said as he seen the Konig Wolf enter the gates that opened for the Zoid without even a fight. "They really think that the Zoid is theirs. No wonder that General Vols didn't want us to come. However, it is my duty since it is now within the Panzer division."
Not even moments later, blasts within the compound were seen as a huge explosion in the center took out almost the whole base. The alarm within the base went off, indicating they were under attack. Karl's eyes widened at the remarkable power the Wild Zoid had. "It can act as if it had human instincts of a Zoid pilot. I am impressed. I wonder where they found such a Wild Zoid..and a Class S Zoid no less.." He cleared his throat as he turned on the communications. "All units! Attack!" he shouted as his Zaber Fang darted down the dune, along with the Dark Horns and Molgas. They approached the battlefield, knowing that the Republicans never stood a chance against the "Trojan Horse" play. It was flawless. The Imperials won, leaving the Republic base to nothing but a cinder and a memory, all thanks to the Wolf in Sheep's clothing.
...
The First Panzer division returned to their base. In the end, there were no casualties ; not even a scratch on the Zoids but only being short on ammunition. Karl leaped out of his Black Zaber, gazing up at the huge white wolf as it entered the hanger. "The battles just got easier. But, I wonder how they got a wild Zoid to do their bidding?" he asked out loud, his eyes never leaving the wolf.
"You think it is a wild Zoid Major?" a voice called out from behind him.
Karl looked behind him, only to quickly turn around, saluting the General, clicking his heels for a quick saluting stance. "General Vols, Sir!" he cried out before ad-easing, his eyes showing confusion within them. "It isn't a wild Zoid? But, there is no one piloting it."
The General chuckled as he pointed to the wolf. "The secret is within the Zoid Major! Behold! I show to you our secret weapon!"
As if on cue, the white wolf began to glow a white essence. Karl was in awe as he noticed the Zoid start to get smaller, taking a new shape within the light. After a few moments, his eyes widen as he seen a white-haired woman with a light blue streak in the white , standing where the huge Class S Zoid stood within her Imperial uniform. Her purple eyes were glaring in the direction of the General and The Major. Karl was speechless as he turned toward the laughing General, who looked as if he became the greatest person alive.
"Major! I give you the very first Zoidan! Our secret weapon!"
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ZOIDS! I ONLY OWN THE CHARACTER I MADE UP! THANKS A BUNCH! -thumbs up-
Zoidan: Advanced Zoidians
by Kourine Narumi
Prologue: During the War...
Prologue: Two Years Ago...
"This will make the war more interesting with this kind of tactical approach, wouldn't you say Ambient?" Hiltz said to his crimson colored organoid that stood beside its Master high atop a metal rod within an Imperial building. It growled out softly as an answer, watching below as two of the Empire's amateur soldiers were being carted off to a laboratory. A faint smile grew upon Hiltz's face as he watched a high ranked military solider followed closely behind the group. "I wonder how the Republican Army will fair with this.." he mumbled to himself as he and the red organoid flew out of the building, with no witnesses that seen them come in, nor leave.
The door slowly opened, as the team of scientists threw the 2 experimental soldiers into separate capsules within the experimental room. Controls were placed in front of both of the capsules. The male and female solider tried their best to get away and out of the scientists grasp, but to no avail as they locked the capsules. The girl banged furiously at the glass, feeling the oxygenated thick liquid fill within her pod. She looked over at the male solider, seeing that he was terrified by the liquid that was rising up to his knees now. Before long, both capsules were filled with the green liquid as the high ranked officer approached the two capsules. A small grin was on his face before he spoke to them with a demanding voice that echoed within the room.
"I'm glad that you two have made it this far. Through 3 weeks of experimenting with forty soldiers, only you two have been able to accomplish those tasks. This experiment will enable you to become even stronger than before. Now, just relax and try not to cause anymore problems for my team here." The commanding officer smirked as he watched the two scientists approach the capsules. They were both holding two tubes of what looked to be a crimson shade of liquid flowing within the tubes. Both of the soldiers gulped out as the officer laughed. "I want these lab rats finished by the time we finish the battle at Dragon Head Bridge. I'm counting on you! No mistakes!" And with those words, the officer turned on his heel and walked out of the door,leaving the soldiers to be the guinea pigs of what was to be an astonishing feat for the Imperial Forces...
...
A few months passed, with the Imperial Forces loosing most of the battles. The Republics had the Imperials on the run, with their tail between their legs. However, the forces within the First Panzer division had been acquired one of the Imperial's secret weapons that took the past year to 'create.' The leader of this division, Major Karl Schubaltz, kindly accepted to test out their new product as they now approached their target; a Republic base a few hundred miles from the Wind Colony. The mission that he agreed to, was to destroy the base by testing the new weapon.
"All units hold back!" Karl hollered through the transmission of his Black Zaber Fang. The Molgas and Dark Horns all halted in place behind a sand dune, preparing themselves for the next order form their leader. Karl sighed as he adjusted his camera on his Zoid, pulling a closer view of the base on his monitor. He noticed that a handful of soldiers were on top of the 4 corner towers, with at least two more on the catwalks. He noticed two Command Wolf AC's with their Sniper Guns and Ion Boosters on them. "I guess this is a good place for a test run, with a place as heavily armed as this." he whispered to himself.
As if it heard Karl's words, a white Konig Wolf approached next to the Major, staring straight ahead at the base that was theirs for the taking. Karl glared at the Konig Wolf. For it being a Republic Zoid, he was still cautious on trusting it. He had his fair share of traitors within his unit, and with a Konig Wolf on his team, he was extremely cautious. He pressed a few controls to get the wolf's frequency to speak to the pilot. "You know what to do. Now get to it!" he ordered.
The wolf didn't move after the command from the higher ranking officer, as if pondering on how to handle the situation. Karl grew annoyed at not having the pilot listen to a simple command. He flicked the monitor on his Zaber Fang to get the pilot on his monitor. When he acquired the Konig Wolf's frequency and got the picture, his eyes widened. There was no pilot sitting within the confines of the Zoid. "What the- what kind of test is this? Are they trying to control Wild Zoids?" he whispered. Before he said another word, the white wolf was off, darting towards the base. Before Karl could say anything, the right side of his monitor revealed his so called right-hand man, Marcus, within one of the Dark Horns. "Sir, what do you think the General has planned? Using a Wild Zoid for combat? is he just asking for trouble?"
"I don't know. But, we will soon see. " he replied to only cut off the connection to the Konig Wolf and the Dark Horn. he leaned back in his seat, hands still gripped onto the Zaber's controls. "We will soon see.."
He seen the wolf on his camera approach the base. He noticed that none of the defense sequences in the Republic base activated. He chuckled some at this. "They are falling for it. Simple minded fools." he said as he seen the Konig Wolf enter the gates that opened for the Zoid without even a fight. "They really think that the Zoid is theirs. No wonder that General Vols didn't want us to come. However, it is my duty since it is now within the Panzer division."
Not even moments later, blasts within the compound were seen as a huge explosion in the center took out almost the whole base. The alarm within the base went off, indicating they were under attack. Karl's eyes widened at the remarkable power the Wild Zoid had. "It can act as if it had human instincts of a Zoid pilot. I am impressed. I wonder where they found such a Wild Zoid..and a Class S Zoid no less.." He cleared his throat as he turned on the communications. "All units! Attack!" he shouted as his Zaber Fang darted down the dune, along with the Dark Horns and Molgas. They approached the battlefield, knowing that the Republicans never stood a chance against the "Trojan Horse" play. It was flawless. The Imperials won, leaving the Republic base to nothing but a cinder and a memory, all thanks to the Wolf in Sheep's clothing.
...
The First Panzer division returned to their base. In the end, there were no casualties ; not even a scratch on the Zoids but only being short on ammunition. Karl leaped out of his Black Zaber, gazing up at the huge white wolf as it entered the hanger. "The battles just got easier. But, I wonder how they got a wild Zoid to do their bidding?" he asked out loud, his eyes never leaving the wolf.
"You think it is a wild Zoid Major?" a voice called out from behind him.
Karl looked behind him, only to quickly turn around, saluting the General, clicking his heels for a quick saluting stance. "General Vols, Sir!" he cried out before ad-easing, his eyes showing confusion within them. "It isn't a wild Zoid? But, there is no one piloting it."
The General chuckled as he pointed to the wolf. "The secret is within the Zoid Major! Behold! I show to you our secret weapon!"
As if on cue, the white wolf began to glow a white essence. Karl was in awe as he noticed the Zoid start to get smaller, taking a new shape within the light. After a few moments, his eyes widen as he seen a white-haired woman with a light blue streak in the white , standing where the huge Class S Zoid stood within her Imperial uniform. Her purple eyes were glaring in the direction of the General and The Major. Karl was speechless as he turned toward the laughing General, who looked as if he became the greatest person alive.
"Major! I give you the very first Zoidan! Our secret weapon!"
Friday, July 30, 2010
Using the PSP for This!!
This is just a test to see how this works on my PSP...and so far I think it is awesome and ANNOYING!!!
But yeah..that's why the last one was a bit short. My parents are too nosey anymore with my internet life.
So...I've been thinking about doing another donation stream when I have the free time to do so. The charity cause----Lupus.
The reason I wanted to do this one is because my mom has been confirmed to have this after the blood tests they got her to do. So,this one is a personal one.
But yeah..that's why the last one was a bit short. My parents are too nosey anymore with my internet life.
So...I've been thinking about doing another donation stream when I have the free time to do so. The charity cause----Lupus.
The reason I wanted to do this one is because my mom has been confirmed to have this after the blood tests they got her to do. So,this one is a personal one.
Those BLEH Days and Randomness..
Well, things for me have been one HELL of a rollercoaster ride. I've been depressed to the point of not wanting to be in hardly ANY contact with my frends until just recently this week when I slowly came back into the Skype calls I'm usually in. SOmetimes even then, with the people that don't even bug me, I don't want to be in them as much anymore. I guess I'm just too bummed to do ANYthing. Hell, I still have layouts to do, and just need an inspirational spark to do those things anymore. That's a bad thing. I SHOULD be able to do them, regardless of what I feel at the moment. It's what I went to school for, and I need to handle on how to do things with me being pissed, fustrated, or whatever. I mean, of course walking away from it for a few min. and returning is normal to do. It's just hard to explain these things like this.
I've also been asked to help out my frend again with his money issues. I'm sure he feels bad about doing this. I mean, my friend and I REALLY hate doing these things, but hey, I rather grit my teeth and bare it like he does than have him on the streets. Guilt would sink in if I didn't help him and besides; his parents asked him to do it for them. How can he say no to that? ^^''
But yeah. I've been thinking about things too hard again today...
Like, my parents are talking me into doing graphical work for my boss. I mean, yeah, I went to school for it, but, the way they act, it makes me feel like I shouldn't even BE in ths field of work. Aw well, they can kiss my ass. I'm going to work REAL hard at this, and who knows? THis could be my big break! We will soon see...
I've also been asked to help out my frend again with his money issues. I'm sure he feels bad about doing this. I mean, my friend and I REALLY hate doing these things, but hey, I rather grit my teeth and bare it like he does than have him on the streets. Guilt would sink in if I didn't help him and besides; his parents asked him to do it for them. How can he say no to that? ^^''
But yeah. I've been thinking about things too hard again today...
Like, my parents are talking me into doing graphical work for my boss. I mean, yeah, I went to school for it, but, the way they act, it makes me feel like I shouldn't even BE in ths field of work. Aw well, they can kiss my ass. I'm going to work REAL hard at this, and who knows? THis could be my big break! We will soon see...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Uneasiness...
I've been feeling rather strange anymore...well more than usual XD
I guess....I should explain this feeling as best as I can..
There is this guy...me and him talk as much as we can. It's nice to talk to him and well...he does indeed like me...okay more like loves me..
I told him nicely that I didn't accept him as being with me after he confessed his love to me..I felt so bad. My heart sank, but it happens to all the others that confessed their love to me..I just, I just don't see myself with anyone at all. There are so many factors that go within this as well, but, it's just how I feel..I mean really? Skye being with someone? Hell would freeze over..
I mean, don't get me wrong...I've been with others, but it felt wrong for them all. I dumped them, as much as it pained me. I just hate trampling on people's hearts. But, I can't say what they would like, and lead them on...it hurts me even more.
Anyway....We got to talking like usual..but...after a few months, I started to feel....different towards him. I didn't understand it. I never felt like this before really. It's like...two people inside of me struggling to win...to either accept or reject him. The Acceptance seems to be winning. I smile every time I talk to him, I enjoy the conversations that me and him share, either text, or voice...
It's just something I enjoy....like the simplest pleasures. When he's not around...I feel rather empty inside. Even hanging with others doesn't fill that void as much as I want it to. It makes me want him more...I feel like such a child, but this is just all feelings that I can't explain.
Is this really love? Where you think about him, your chest hurts to even think of his name, and even think about him before you sleep? Is it just enjoying ones company, ignoring everything around you, but the one that you WISH to listen to? Is it love to have your heart race, wanting to say the silliest and craziest things to the other, regardless how you regret it or not? Is it love...to just wanting to listen to his voice, and nothing more..?
Pride however, does sink in. It makes you silent, unable to speak those 3 words you long to tell him, and even halt all other words that will reflect your feelings you wish to tell him, but cannot. It hurts you inside, your heart tearing in half..
I think it is more of Fear than Pride..I realize. It is fear of change. What would happen after I say those 3 words? What would happen after I express myself out of character and start to be even MORE expressive of myself towards him?
I fear of many things with this. I fear of having it not be love, but a mere bonding that I cannot explain, or even it is just my body being stupid. I don't want to hurt his heart...it would me so bad if I ever did such a thing. I wouldn't forgive myself.
I refuse to lead him on...I refuse to further the relationship, even though I wish to move forward with it. It hurts so much. It makes me lose sleep, not eat as much, and makes me think too much to the point where I just ignore everyone around me. I hate this feeling. I'm not used to such things, if it is a normal feeling.
I guess where I'm getting at in this is (besides expressing myself through words here for my own personal reasons)....I don't know what I should do. I'm still searching for the answer.
If this is love....if this is what I feel..then I'm shocked that I didn't know it sooner....or even discover it sooner...
With my feelings and reasoning's I've held for almost a lifetime, only for it to crumble and melt the ice around my heart in a matter of months...it makes me uneasy.
I don't want pride to win, or fear....I want to accept this. To see for myself, if this is indeed....love.
I guess....I should explain this feeling as best as I can..
There is this guy...me and him talk as much as we can. It's nice to talk to him and well...he does indeed like me...okay more like loves me..
I told him nicely that I didn't accept him as being with me after he confessed his love to me..I felt so bad. My heart sank, but it happens to all the others that confessed their love to me..I just, I just don't see myself with anyone at all. There are so many factors that go within this as well, but, it's just how I feel..I mean really? Skye being with someone? Hell would freeze over..
I mean, don't get me wrong...I've been with others, but it felt wrong for them all. I dumped them, as much as it pained me. I just hate trampling on people's hearts. But, I can't say what they would like, and lead them on...it hurts me even more.
Anyway....We got to talking like usual..but...after a few months, I started to feel....different towards him. I didn't understand it. I never felt like this before really. It's like...two people inside of me struggling to win...to either accept or reject him. The Acceptance seems to be winning. I smile every time I talk to him, I enjoy the conversations that me and him share, either text, or voice...
It's just something I enjoy....like the simplest pleasures. When he's not around...I feel rather empty inside. Even hanging with others doesn't fill that void as much as I want it to. It makes me want him more...I feel like such a child, but this is just all feelings that I can't explain.
Is this really love? Where you think about him, your chest hurts to even think of his name, and even think about him before you sleep? Is it just enjoying ones company, ignoring everything around you, but the one that you WISH to listen to? Is it love to have your heart race, wanting to say the silliest and craziest things to the other, regardless how you regret it or not? Is it love...to just wanting to listen to his voice, and nothing more..?
Pride however, does sink in. It makes you silent, unable to speak those 3 words you long to tell him, and even halt all other words that will reflect your feelings you wish to tell him, but cannot. It hurts you inside, your heart tearing in half..
I think it is more of Fear than Pride..I realize. It is fear of change. What would happen after I say those 3 words? What would happen after I express myself out of character and start to be even MORE expressive of myself towards him?
I fear of many things with this. I fear of having it not be love, but a mere bonding that I cannot explain, or even it is just my body being stupid. I don't want to hurt his heart...it would me so bad if I ever did such a thing. I wouldn't forgive myself.
I refuse to lead him on...I refuse to further the relationship, even though I wish to move forward with it. It hurts so much. It makes me lose sleep, not eat as much, and makes me think too much to the point where I just ignore everyone around me. I hate this feeling. I'm not used to such things, if it is a normal feeling.
I guess where I'm getting at in this is (besides expressing myself through words here for my own personal reasons)....I don't know what I should do. I'm still searching for the answer.
If this is love....if this is what I feel..then I'm shocked that I didn't know it sooner....or even discover it sooner...
With my feelings and reasoning's I've held for almost a lifetime, only for it to crumble and melt the ice around my heart in a matter of months...it makes me uneasy.
I don't want pride to win, or fear....I want to accept this. To see for myself, if this is indeed....love.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Love Relationships...not my thing..
People have been recently around me have been finding a significant other. My girlfriend even had a child with her loved one. A few even online have discovered a significant other. And, people have even asked to be with me. I declined, with a bit of guilt that they put their whole heart and soul into a speech or just say the simple phrase of "I love you...."
I just don't choose to be with someone. I mean, I have personal reasons behind it, but I do indeed have experience with being with someone, but, it never was/is ment to be due to being a bunch of lies or whatnot.
The first time I had some sort of interest in being with someone was in 5th grade. Needless to say, I did manage to get the guy since he did ask me to be with him. It was going well, that was, until I started being questioned by the bruises on my arms and legs at school and home. I then realized that it wasn't a good idea of being with him. He was just too much of a man, so he just didn't know his strength, regardless of what I have to say...
After that, in middle school *7th, 8th grade*, a prep asked me to be with him. I didn't know what to say and I thought that it would help me try to make friends. I agreed and tried to find out what he liked and didn't like, and go from there. He called me up, and even sang songs for me, making me feel happy and such, since I didn't have *and still do to this day* a good self-esteem. I have a low self -esteem, so hearing his music flow into my head of songs he made with his words and his guitar made me very happy. However, one day, he had his friends all around him and I walked up to him to greet him at school one day, only for him to humilate me in front of his friends. It was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. It was something I didn't want to believe. It just wasn't a great thing..
Another one was a VERY clingy person who wouldn't leave me alone. it was a blind date of sorts when I met him and my so called friend hooked me up with him. It wasn't a great experience when I went with him to my Junior prom. It was the worse experience. I almost had died when he was too stubborn to get someone to take over his driving to get to the shore afterwords after when I had a horrible Prom experience when he wouldn't let me talk to my friends when at that same night, I was getting yelled at one of them during the prom. Then he wouldn't stop clinging to me on the boardwalk and he even wanted me to sleep on the same futon as him in the hotel that me and him and my friend with his bf. It wasn't going to happen. I hid in the bedroom, pretending I was sleeping before he was forced to go back home the next day to drop off my friends bf for him to go to work like he said he would. He didn't want to go and leave me behind. He was so awkward, and needless to say, that was the last time I seen him.
I had quite a few other experiences with that I refuse to talk about, but I haven't had a good experience with the love relationship thing. It makes me not want to have a significant other. It just isn't my thing anyway. I don't see myself with someone, and people still try to prove me wrong with making it a "competition" to see who will win my ice cold heart? Who will melt it and make me finally break is what they are after. Will they pull it off? I don't think so, but when I tell them these stories, and they continue to fight me for it to prove me wrong, I just can't stop them. It is their choice, even though I don't want to hurt them in the end. That is all I worry about....
But, I had to get this off my chest at point in time. It's been an issue with me, and I do have other issues revolving about the relationship thing, but it won't be in this part I'm afraid.....
Take care.
I just don't choose to be with someone. I mean, I have personal reasons behind it, but I do indeed have experience with being with someone, but, it never was/is ment to be due to being a bunch of lies or whatnot.
The first time I had some sort of interest in being with someone was in 5th grade. Needless to say, I did manage to get the guy since he did ask me to be with him. It was going well, that was, until I started being questioned by the bruises on my arms and legs at school and home. I then realized that it wasn't a good idea of being with him. He was just too much of a man, so he just didn't know his strength, regardless of what I have to say...
After that, in middle school *7th, 8th grade*, a prep asked me to be with him. I didn't know what to say and I thought that it would help me try to make friends. I agreed and tried to find out what he liked and didn't like, and go from there. He called me up, and even sang songs for me, making me feel happy and such, since I didn't have *and still do to this day* a good self-esteem. I have a low self -esteem, so hearing his music flow into my head of songs he made with his words and his guitar made me very happy. However, one day, he had his friends all around him and I walked up to him to greet him at school one day, only for him to humilate me in front of his friends. It was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. It was something I didn't want to believe. It just wasn't a great thing..
Another one was a VERY clingy person who wouldn't leave me alone. it was a blind date of sorts when I met him and my so called friend hooked me up with him. It wasn't a great experience when I went with him to my Junior prom. It was the worse experience. I almost had died when he was too stubborn to get someone to take over his driving to get to the shore afterwords after when I had a horrible Prom experience when he wouldn't let me talk to my friends when at that same night, I was getting yelled at one of them during the prom. Then he wouldn't stop clinging to me on the boardwalk and he even wanted me to sleep on the same futon as him in the hotel that me and him and my friend with his bf. It wasn't going to happen. I hid in the bedroom, pretending I was sleeping before he was forced to go back home the next day to drop off my friends bf for him to go to work like he said he would. He didn't want to go and leave me behind. He was so awkward, and needless to say, that was the last time I seen him.
I had quite a few other experiences with that I refuse to talk about, but I haven't had a good experience with the love relationship thing. It makes me not want to have a significant other. It just isn't my thing anyway. I don't see myself with someone, and people still try to prove me wrong with making it a "competition" to see who will win my ice cold heart? Who will melt it and make me finally break is what they are after. Will they pull it off? I don't think so, but when I tell them these stories, and they continue to fight me for it to prove me wrong, I just can't stop them. It is their choice, even though I don't want to hurt them in the end. That is all I worry about....
But, I had to get this off my chest at point in time. It's been an issue with me, and I do have other issues revolving about the relationship thing, but it won't be in this part I'm afraid.....
Take care.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Insert Interesting Title Here
Well, the past few weeks have been interesting. I've been working, being sick, attempt to get back in things, and now, I'm sick again. Currently, I have some awkward sickness that is attempting to kill me T.T CURSE YOU COLD AND ALLERGIES!!! I don't understand it.
I had a sneezing fit during Saturday Nights stream. I guess it was amusing and annoying. But who knows. I'm sorry for those who had to hear such sneezes. >>'' Wasn't my fault, I sware! The wind in my area has been pushing everything all over, and that makes my allergies go insane. It feels like my sinuses are going insane and making my face swollen and makes me be in a slight pain state.
Putting that all aside, I am going to be VERY busy for the time being. I might as well come up with a list of things here as to remind yself of the things I need to accomplish for others...as well as some other things I would LIKE TO accomplish!
List:
Layouts:
KZX
Arclad84
GVOLLT
GUNANGEL
(someone elses...name slips my mind)
Fanfiction:
Tadlocker
Let's Plays To Finish:
Grandia
Lunar
Pokemon Ruby
Grandia II
Digimon: Digital Card Battle
Drawings:
N/A
The layouts I have made a time for me to finish (as well as typing up the finished part of the..-twitch- Fanfiction) by the end of this week, at the latest by next Monday. I will finally be at east by then.....until the next donation stream the following weekend.
As far as the Lps are concerned, I will attempt to finish Ruby and Grandia by the end of June. That way, I will run back into LUNAR and Grandia II and have them go up alongside of FFX with Phantom in September. If not, I'm going to work on them over the summer as much as I possibly can. I think the 3 months off will be cancelled. I'm TOTALLY behind in things, but things couldn't be helped, with the computer dying and me being sick and unable to do anything.
Gehhh.......I hate how things don't go my way.
If anything comes up, I'll let ya know.
This has been nothing interesting, see ya around!
I had a sneezing fit during Saturday Nights stream. I guess it was amusing and annoying. But who knows. I'm sorry for those who had to hear such sneezes. >>'' Wasn't my fault, I sware! The wind in my area has been pushing everything all over, and that makes my allergies go insane. It feels like my sinuses are going insane and making my face swollen and makes me be in a slight pain state.
Putting that all aside, I am going to be VERY busy for the time being. I might as well come up with a list of things here as to remind yself of the things I need to accomplish for others...as well as some other things I would LIKE TO accomplish!
List:
Layouts:
KZX
Arclad84
GVOLLT
GUNANGEL
(someone elses...name slips my mind)
Fanfiction:
Tadlocker
Let's Plays To Finish:
Grandia
Lunar
Pokemon Ruby
Grandia II
Digimon: Digital Card Battle
Drawings:
N/A
The layouts I have made a time for me to finish (as well as typing up the finished part of the..-twitch- Fanfiction) by the end of this week, at the latest by next Monday. I will finally be at east by then.....until the next donation stream the following weekend.
As far as the Lps are concerned, I will attempt to finish Ruby and Grandia by the end of June. That way, I will run back into LUNAR and Grandia II and have them go up alongside of FFX with Phantom in September. If not, I'm going to work on them over the summer as much as I possibly can. I think the 3 months off will be cancelled. I'm TOTALLY behind in things, but things couldn't be helped, with the computer dying and me being sick and unable to do anything.
Gehhh.......I hate how things don't go my way.
If anything comes up, I'll let ya know.
This has been nothing interesting, see ya around!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)