Monday Being an Awesome Day?! WTF?!

Today was a VERY awesome day today for a few reasons.

1) For some unholy reason, I was hyper. I was very freaked out when I was actually realizing that I was wide awake at work today. It made the day go by faster and awesome-er XD I was so happy!

2) My mom was VERY happy! It doesn't sound like an important thing, but TRUST ME!! When your boss at work is your own mother, you BETTER make sure she is happy! Otherwise, your day is HELL! It's like homeschool, only....not >>''

3) AFTER 9 MONTHS I FINALLY FOUND THE BOOK I WAS LOOKING FOR!! For those of you who don't know, I am a yaoi fan, and I've been hooked on the novel of "Only The Ring Finger Knows" and it is a great read. I read the first 3 volumes like..4 times >>. When I heard of the 4th volume, I died and I was in heaven. However, getting it was another story. Not one of my bookstores carried the book in stock at all. For months I had a hard time locating it online too due to the book supposedly being in high demand. However, as luck would have it, I E-mailed the company that published the book and they gave me the link to where to purchase it today after sending the E-mail about a month ago after talking with JuneManga on YT about how to get the item. I purchased it just now and I'm excited about reading it.

Man, with that book being purchased, my day has been complete. I have never been so happy before. It's just the little things in life that make you happiest the most. Being energetic on a Monday, and just being happy as well as those around you. It's an awesome feeling to feel great and seeing others feeling just as great!

Random Thought: I'm thinking about reviewing some manga on my blog as far as what I own and such. It should be interesting. We will soon see though....we will soon see.

HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEK EVERYONE!

Feeling Better, Other Random Things

Currently Listening: Something Missing from Bayonetta (Thank you Vicious!!)


Well, After talking with a few people, I feel a bit better. Not as depressed as before. I just have a hint of it, but it isn't effecting me as much as before. I apologize for my actions. It is just, I think too hard on things, making me feel worse than before.

Well, this week has been interesting really. I have been feeling slightly bummed from all of the snow my area has been gettin'. We are expecting more snow too. Dear lord...

I have also got my presents from my two awesome friends Ed and Dan. I got them awesome gifts too and I thank them for being awesome and sticking around with me and my horrible ways. They are angels for putting up with me.

I'm kinda upset about me not working on my Japanese like I want to. I haven't worked on it for about a month or two due to just being real busy and being preoocupied with everything else.

I'm also working on a few layouts for Dan and someone else for Youtube layouts and I have to sing Never Gonna Give You Up (when my sister and them leave apparently. I can't seem to get anytime to do it), and finish working on a fanfiction for someone for the Donation stream thing. I'm also just about finished with working on a drawing for someone and I'm going to work on the one for Dan. It will be interesting and I hope I don't ruin them at all. It will make me cry. T.T

I'm just busy anymore, and I'm just procrastinating. I need to start making deadlines. That way, I WILL finish them at a certain time. -_-'' I'm such a freak when it comes to it. XD

I've been playing a few other games while I've been in bed this weekend as well as my stream. I've also grinded a bit in Grandia for my LP, and it should be promising. I'm just a grinding whore. XD

To anyone who reads this, I wish you all well and I will try to update this weekly. I realize that writing how I feel here tends to keep my emotions in check and slightly sane. So I apologize in advance if things are emoism things/depressing things. It's just that, this is what this is mainly for to begin with.

Take care everyone!

Maybe I'm Not That Great of a Friend..

Well, I've been feeling rather depressed with myself this month of February. I feel rather, upset with myself and how I handled a few things and how I've treated people and such. I feel like I've been a horrible friend/person and it is driving me up the wall. I feel like, I'm just another one of those selfish people that does things just because they tell me to, or I do it to make me look better. I feel like I've been just one of those people that just take things for granted.

I don't understand this feeling, but it is aching me all over. I also feel like a joke to others too. It kinda hurts inside at times. I mean, I try to be funny, and sometimes it works, but when I'm not trying to be funny, everyone laughs. Am I really that stupid? Am I that clueless with people around me? It just feels hopeless. Being one big joke to people kind of aches me. I just think that, that is all they see in me. Just one big joke and push over. It annoys the HELL out of me. I'm tired of it and I can't take it. I don't understand it at all. I just hate yelling at others and trying to be the mean person, even though I allready felt like that to begin with. It sucks. Maybe I let them because I feel like I deserve it as some payment for my evil ways from the past. I don't really know. Maybe I've been in the wrong about everything.

I'm just tired with how I am, but no matter how hard I try to change it, I just can't. Change is something I'm having a hard time with. It sucks for me to even think about changing. I don't want to change. But, I do. It's so confusing! I hate it so much...

Maybe I am doing something wrong. I mean, I lost so many friends in my time more than the friends I have. I can count the friends I have on one finger. My allies lost, I can't. I think I am the one that is in the wrong.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut anymore, and not speak how I feel. That is usually the cause of me losing my friends. The sad thing is that, I really don't know what it is I say at times that makes them so upset. It hurt that I am THAT much of an idiot to not realize what hurts my friends or not..

I guess what I am trying to tell myself in this blog is that, I'm not a great friend. I suck at it, and everytime I try, it just gets worse. Maybe it is best that I don't have friends, and go back to how I was before; a loner. That way, I won't hurt anyone but myself, and everyone will be happy again. Maybe just go off somewhere, and not let anyone know. I'm sure that they will be happy while I'm not around.

I know it isn't the best thing to do, but I can't help but to think it. I'm not at all that great. i can't make people smile, I can't do anything well when it comes to talent, and I just hurt the people around me. I'm tired of it, and it is hurting me knowing the fact I hurt so many in my life. It sickens me all to Hell....

I try to be there for them, and tell them how I feel, but it just backfires and I don't think too much at all before I act. I'm new to the whole "Speaking Your Mind" thing, and frankly, I hate it. I don't ever want to speak my mind to others. This blog is the only thing that I can speak my mind with. It is the only thing I know that I can say things without having to backfire about my emotions and such.

I think I'm over with speaking my mind with others. I feel that not only does it make me look a fucking idiot, but a helpless dependant person. I don't want to be like that. I really don't.

I need to learn to help myself....or I won't get anywhere in life. I plan on not being with anyone, so it should be easier to just keep things as is....

I don't even know what I'm typing in here anymore...just a bunch of jibberish I'm sure. I'll just end it here and call it a night for this. Good Night.

Layout is a Renew and Some Random Things.

As you can see, I redid the layout for this and I chose this template because I felt like it. It looks pretty cool and I enjoy it's look. I'm not big on warm colors for webpages, but this is fine.

Well, 2010 has been a bit interesting so far. A few things happened here and there. I got a few cool games, my PC's fan died, and I was hosting a donation stream. Oh, and I worked, worked, and worked.

My PC is still in the shop and it is a sad thing. My Yu-Gi-Oh month was cancelled rather early due to it. Even when I recieved my Dazzle for my MAC, I can't record anything due to the sound crackling and hurting ones ears. I can't even fix that editing to the sound. ><" It isn't cool, man!

I've also been watching since the middle of January is Detective Conan/Cased Closed. I'm so addicted to it. I actually like the dubbed version to the anime. Jerry Jewell pulled off a nice Kudo. Besides, I like his voice. It's wierd to say that, but I really enjoy listening to him talk. I like all the voice actors in it too. It is also easier for me to follow the anime dubbed. I realize that I understand it a bit better by listening to it, rather than reading it. Sad, but true you lovely weeaboo's reading this. ^_~ Not all anime is perfect in sub format. Look at YuYu Hakusho, Comic Party, and a few others. So, TAKE THAT!!

I have been playing some games too. I got Phantom Brave and I played a bit of it. It is just like Playstation version, but it could have a twist. Who knows. I also purchased COUGHCOUGHBAKUGANCOUGHCOUGH. The Wiiware had a few intersting games I wanted to try/have recently that I noticed. I had the Wii Points and so I got the Phoienx Wright game as well as the Bubble Bobble game. The Bubble Bobble game for the WiiWare is a bit....challenging. It's very sensitive for you making bubbles near and around the walls. It's unforgiving, but I managed to beat the game on NORMAL! I'm afraid to see the harder onces. >>''

The donation stream for the NAA that went on this past weekend was successful. We didn't read our goal of $500.00 like we wanted, but, we got close. But, we had a blast! We played games, created new memes, humilated ourselves and got embarrased when our parents came into play....ESPECIALLY mine. -_-'' What's worse is that it is on recording too on YT. ><"

Besides the computer issues and the Nor'Easter snow storms that we've been having, I'm VERY excited about this new year.

THe games coming out are actually interesting me to the point of RESERVING them, or wanting to reserve them. I all ready reserved Pokemon HeartGold and Lunar: Silver Star Harmony. I've been waiting for these games, even though I can't play the Lunar one. I had to get rid of my PSP due to the battery dying. I got trade credit for all the PSP items and got Star Ocean for the Xbox360 and Eternal Sonata for the 360.

It's been an interesting year so far, and I hope that it all goes well this year!! WE NEED A GOOD YEAR, DAMNIT!!

Learning Japanese, Setbacks.

Well, for the past two weeks, I have been teaching myself Japanese again. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things with it. I remembered about 95% of the Hiragana and about 75 to 80% of the Katakana. I think after that, I should learn some vocabulary and THEN move to the sentence structure and particles and whatnot. I didn't realize about how hard making sentences were until I attempted to a while back.

I purchased the Japanese Learning game for the DS a LONG while back, and it is helping me out SOOOO much. The lessons are nice and the games actually DO improve on your vocab, brush strokes, and memorization. So far I have learned to count in japanese, even though it is a biiit hard to memorize with 11 and on.., colors, a few vocab words, Hiragana, Katakana, and simple basic sentence structures. I stopped after Chapter 29 (which I call the beginning of chapter 2), and I have been playing the games to relearn the vocab and the Hiragana and Katakana. It just stinks that I lost one of my books I used for studying syllables and it had nice reference sheets at the end. I have a Kanji book (which I look through and learn a Kanji symbol here and there) and a Hiragana/Katakana book. They are helpful, but I love that one book the most. It is actually on Amazon for under 10 dollars. If I can't find it, and I have the money in a few months, I might repurchase it. It is a great book.

I made flash cards a while back, and I found a set based on the months...and man are they semi hard. But I also found a few good sites to look up AS WELL as Youtube channels to aide me JUUUST a bit on memorization and such. It is an interesting thing, learning a language. I know it is easier to learn at a young age, and be being 25 and all, but I'm sure that I can handle it with time. I do get frustrated at times, but it pays off when I am actually starting to memorize these things. It makes me a happy panda.

I have been working on a few things lately, drawings and videos and such as well, but alas, I cannot record audio until I get a new headset. It is strange that it doesn't work. Like, it was fine the night before it broke. I hung it up as per usual, and now poof! I realized it broke when I "recorded" a part of Grandia like...5 times. The commentary wasn't too grand and such. But then I had a decent recording, but I noticed that there weren't any sound waves on the finished recording. I plugged it into my MAC and seen if it was broke and not the PC being stupid again, but it is indeed broken -_-'' Weird how things happen when you CAN do things, but it comes back to bite ya in the butt.

I also seemed to have erased things I shouldn't have when I was attempting to clean out my computer all last week due to it not recording right with the Dazzle, and the computer crashed and met the blue screen of death QUIIITE a few times. I scanned it, defragged it, and I deleted things I don't use too much anymore. Well, it still acted up. I'm not understanding what is going on, but I'm not liking it. This computer is about...a year and a couple months old, so it shouldn't be an issue. I've been taking good care of it too.

But I guess things happen. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I hope the best for this new year since this year as been Hell...utter Hell...

Update for the Next Few Months

I have a few things that I wish to accomplish for the next two months. Here is how I HOPE that it will go:

November: Attempt to finish off Zoids vs. III and do the last episode of Zoids Battle Legends.

December: Attempt to finish up Pokemon Ruby and maybe show off some bonuses from FMA2 that I'm trying to get.

January: Going to work on LUNAR Silver Star Story for the month and record with KZX (GoddammitJoel) for some Pocky and Rocky Co-Oppage

Febuary: Upload any videos I have around since I'm going to take a break this month and do recordings for myself.

March: More Lunar and Starting up Grandia I and will end Lunar HOPEFULLY before May.

May: IF LUNAR is finished before then as well as Grandia, I will do Pokemon Yellow.


This may not go as I planned as above considering you have to add in Digimon Casual and me recording with Dan and Ed for our Demented series and the Demented Let's Plays we are doing. I won't post them until we COMPLETELY FINISH THEM. Demented Series will be up as soon as we record more.

That pretty much is it. I don't know when I will stream since I want time to myself now. I'll just record as much as I can so I can take breaks for myself every so often. So I may post up vids after recording them like MONTHS in advanced at the time of the posting. I would love to have time to myself since I am working on a webcomic for January. If not, I will just work on the story and then, turn it into the webcomic. It will be a Pokemanz comic. I'm going to work on my REAL comic when I get the hang of making manga. I need experience.

If anything comes up like personal issues, or family issues, then it will effect the schedule above. I'm actually expecting that since things haven't been going well over on my end. So...yeah. Either I take my break in January, or in February. We will soon see.

My next stream won't be for a while....I might make it sometime after the holidays. Also, I won't be joining the next few donation streams that our team has been doing on Ustream, so I apologize in advanced. I just would like time to myself like I said X3. I love recording and stuffs, so we will see how things go.

I hope to talk to you guys later. Take care!

Donation Stream Saturday October 17th, 2009 for JDRF

Well, the idea started with me being financially poor and me making horrible racial jokes and then it went to me rambling on about the JDRF walk I'll be going to on Sunday,October 18th. My mom was talking about finding other means of getting money to donate and not have it be just me. We are getting my work, Pharmakon Inc. , in on it as well as my other friends and family. It sounded like an aweseome idea and we are all donating to a great cause. I got to thinking, this is a great opportunity to do a quick little one day donation stream for this cause to get you guys in on this. It will be fun and entertaining (hopefully), and I think it will be awesome.

However, this stream won't be an awesome success without you, the people that are to BE entertained. I have been thinking for a bit, (things might change by the time I get home from work), and have devised a plan for this to be an awesome success.

Now, before I get into anything BIG, I would like to talk about what is the JDRF. For those you do not know, JDRF is the Juvenille Diabetes Research Foundation. They are researching to find the cure for Type 1 Diabetes, since most children with a family history of the disease, have this type. With the Walks that they do every year, they get one step closer to finding the cure with support from great sponsers and just your average joe. Lots of people attend these walks, for the child that they lost to this disease, for the kids they have alive and fighting it, or just people that care about the children and do anything to keep the smiles on their faces.

Well, My family have been donating to this for many years since our family has a family history of diabetes in the family (my aunt has it and a few others in my family do, and even I myself might have it). We've been dontating to this cause, as well as the company I work at.

Now, I wish to have others that are WILLING and ABLE to donate, they can. This isn't a forced donation, but it is VERY appreciated for you guys to vote. I'll even throw in a deal during this.

This is where I will talk about how the stream works. Also, I will talk about the nifty swag you get from the JDRF when you donate 100.00. Since this JDRF Walk required sponsers, it is very EASY to acquire the $100.00 to recieve a t-shirt from them. So, you can walk up there and donate to the point where the whole family/company/group can have a t-shirt to proudly say that they made that step forward. So, if you, the individual, donate $100.00 regarding sponsers and family, I will personally mail you (I'll provide the shipping costs, so dun worry about it) a JDRF t-shirt. So, if you donate say, $400.00, you can acquire 4 t-shirts. It is that simple!

Now, for those that are saying "There is no way in Hell I'll make that much!" Well, here is YOUR chance to make the stream a bit better for you personally.

I will be streaming ALL DAY Saturday until like...midnight-ish or a bit earlier than that (Since I AM doing the walk the next day), so, below this paragraph I will have a donation price and what you can do to ake this interesting for the stream..

THE BIGGER THE DONATION, THE BETTER THE SCHTUFF! Read on!:

$0.00 = If you cannot donate oncesoever, you can go and make my video talking about this a featured video on your channel. I will be sure to give you a shoutout. Just PM me on YT and I'll make sure that you have indeed done this.

$5.00 = a half hour of me playing ANY game you would like to watch me play horribly or great.**

$10.00 = an hour of me playing any game you so want me to play! **

$15.00 = a Youtube/UStream Layout **YT IS BETA LAYOUT ONLY!**

$25.00 = 1 doodle with one character OR
singing a song OR
another hour of gaming**

$50.00 = 1 doodle with 2 characters OR
2 doodles with one character each OR
1 1/2 hours of gaming**

$100.00 = a JDRF T-shirt

** = games that you know I have, Emulated games, but if emulated, only NES, Genesis, SNES, SEGA CD, GB, GBC, GBA!!! DS IS A MAYBE UNTIL I TEST OUT A FEW THINGS. ALSO, GIVE ME TIMES FOR WHEN YOU WANT ME TO STREAM YOUR GAME! THAT WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED. THANKS X3


I would like for those who donate to this cause, to verify that you did through PM in Ustream or even YT, whichever is comfortable for you. Within this, I would like you to give me your game/song/drawing you would like for me to do and at what time during the day.

Also, as far as giving out the t-shirt, I cannot distribute it outside of the US. So, if you donate $100.00 and you are out of the country, we will talk out an agreement.