Feeling Better, Other Random Things

Currently Listening: Something Missing from Bayonetta (Thank you Vicious!!)


Well, After talking with a few people, I feel a bit better. Not as depressed as before. I just have a hint of it, but it isn't effecting me as much as before. I apologize for my actions. It is just, I think too hard on things, making me feel worse than before.

Well, this week has been interesting really. I have been feeling slightly bummed from all of the snow my area has been gettin'. We are expecting more snow too. Dear lord...

I have also got my presents from my two awesome friends Ed and Dan. I got them awesome gifts too and I thank them for being awesome and sticking around with me and my horrible ways. They are angels for putting up with me.

I'm kinda upset about me not working on my Japanese like I want to. I haven't worked on it for about a month or two due to just being real busy and being preoocupied with everything else.

I'm also working on a few layouts for Dan and someone else for Youtube layouts and I have to sing Never Gonna Give You Up (when my sister and them leave apparently. I can't seem to get anytime to do it), and finish working on a fanfiction for someone for the Donation stream thing. I'm also just about finished with working on a drawing for someone and I'm going to work on the one for Dan. It will be interesting and I hope I don't ruin them at all. It will make me cry. T.T

I'm just busy anymore, and I'm just procrastinating. I need to start making deadlines. That way, I WILL finish them at a certain time. -_-'' I'm such a freak when it comes to it. XD

I've been playing a few other games while I've been in bed this weekend as well as my stream. I've also grinded a bit in Grandia for my LP, and it should be promising. I'm just a grinding whore. XD

To anyone who reads this, I wish you all well and I will try to update this weekly. I realize that writing how I feel here tends to keep my emotions in check and slightly sane. So I apologize in advance if things are emoism things/depressing things. It's just that, this is what this is mainly for to begin with.

Take care everyone!

Maybe I'm Not That Great of a Friend..

Well, I've been feeling rather depressed with myself this month of February. I feel rather, upset with myself and how I handled a few things and how I've treated people and such. I feel like I've been a horrible friend/person and it is driving me up the wall. I feel like, I'm just another one of those selfish people that does things just because they tell me to, or I do it to make me look better. I feel like I've been just one of those people that just take things for granted.

I don't understand this feeling, but it is aching me all over. I also feel like a joke to others too. It kinda hurts inside at times. I mean, I try to be funny, and sometimes it works, but when I'm not trying to be funny, everyone laughs. Am I really that stupid? Am I that clueless with people around me? It just feels hopeless. Being one big joke to people kind of aches me. I just think that, that is all they see in me. Just one big joke and push over. It annoys the HELL out of me. I'm tired of it and I can't take it. I don't understand it at all. I just hate yelling at others and trying to be the mean person, even though I allready felt like that to begin with. It sucks. Maybe I let them because I feel like I deserve it as some payment for my evil ways from the past. I don't really know. Maybe I've been in the wrong about everything.

I'm just tired with how I am, but no matter how hard I try to change it, I just can't. Change is something I'm having a hard time with. It sucks for me to even think about changing. I don't want to change. But, I do. It's so confusing! I hate it so much...

Maybe I am doing something wrong. I mean, I lost so many friends in my time more than the friends I have. I can count the friends I have on one finger. My allies lost, I can't. I think I am the one that is in the wrong.

Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut anymore, and not speak how I feel. That is usually the cause of me losing my friends. The sad thing is that, I really don't know what it is I say at times that makes them so upset. It hurt that I am THAT much of an idiot to not realize what hurts my friends or not..

I guess what I am trying to tell myself in this blog is that, I'm not a great friend. I suck at it, and everytime I try, it just gets worse. Maybe it is best that I don't have friends, and go back to how I was before; a loner. That way, I won't hurt anyone but myself, and everyone will be happy again. Maybe just go off somewhere, and not let anyone know. I'm sure that they will be happy while I'm not around.

I know it isn't the best thing to do, but I can't help but to think it. I'm not at all that great. i can't make people smile, I can't do anything well when it comes to talent, and I just hurt the people around me. I'm tired of it, and it is hurting me knowing the fact I hurt so many in my life. It sickens me all to Hell....

I try to be there for them, and tell them how I feel, but it just backfires and I don't think too much at all before I act. I'm new to the whole "Speaking Your Mind" thing, and frankly, I hate it. I don't ever want to speak my mind to others. This blog is the only thing that I can speak my mind with. It is the only thing I know that I can say things without having to backfire about my emotions and such.

I think I'm over with speaking my mind with others. I feel that not only does it make me look a fucking idiot, but a helpless dependant person. I don't want to be like that. I really don't.

I need to learn to help myself....or I won't get anywhere in life. I plan on not being with anyone, so it should be easier to just keep things as is....

I don't even know what I'm typing in here anymore...just a bunch of jibberish I'm sure. I'll just end it here and call it a night for this. Good Night.

Layout is a Renew and Some Random Things.

As you can see, I redid the layout for this and I chose this template because I felt like it. It looks pretty cool and I enjoy it's look. I'm not big on warm colors for webpages, but this is fine.

Well, 2010 has been a bit interesting so far. A few things happened here and there. I got a few cool games, my PC's fan died, and I was hosting a donation stream. Oh, and I worked, worked, and worked.

My PC is still in the shop and it is a sad thing. My Yu-Gi-Oh month was cancelled rather early due to it. Even when I recieved my Dazzle for my MAC, I can't record anything due to the sound crackling and hurting ones ears. I can't even fix that editing to the sound. ><" It isn't cool, man!

I've also been watching since the middle of January is Detective Conan/Cased Closed. I'm so addicted to it. I actually like the dubbed version to the anime. Jerry Jewell pulled off a nice Kudo. Besides, I like his voice. It's wierd to say that, but I really enjoy listening to him talk. I like all the voice actors in it too. It is also easier for me to follow the anime dubbed. I realize that I understand it a bit better by listening to it, rather than reading it. Sad, but true you lovely weeaboo's reading this. ^_~ Not all anime is perfect in sub format. Look at YuYu Hakusho, Comic Party, and a few others. So, TAKE THAT!!

I have been playing some games too. I got Phantom Brave and I played a bit of it. It is just like Playstation version, but it could have a twist. Who knows. I also purchased COUGHCOUGHBAKUGANCOUGHCOUGH. The Wiiware had a few intersting games I wanted to try/have recently that I noticed. I had the Wii Points and so I got the Phoienx Wright game as well as the Bubble Bobble game. The Bubble Bobble game for the WiiWare is a bit....challenging. It's very sensitive for you making bubbles near and around the walls. It's unforgiving, but I managed to beat the game on NORMAL! I'm afraid to see the harder onces. >>''

The donation stream for the NAA that went on this past weekend was successful. We didn't read our goal of $500.00 like we wanted, but, we got close. But, we had a blast! We played games, created new memes, humilated ourselves and got embarrased when our parents came into play....ESPECIALLY mine. -_-'' What's worse is that it is on recording too on YT. ><"

Besides the computer issues and the Nor'Easter snow storms that we've been having, I'm VERY excited about this new year.

THe games coming out are actually interesting me to the point of RESERVING them, or wanting to reserve them. I all ready reserved Pokemon HeartGold and Lunar: Silver Star Harmony. I've been waiting for these games, even though I can't play the Lunar one. I had to get rid of my PSP due to the battery dying. I got trade credit for all the PSP items and got Star Ocean for the Xbox360 and Eternal Sonata for the 360.

It's been an interesting year so far, and I hope that it all goes well this year!! WE NEED A GOOD YEAR, DAMNIT!!